4chan：4chan趣事两则

引用元：http://imgur.com/gallery/UavZt

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4chan上的有趣故事

 

你们要的4chan，本篇包含两个小故事。 警告，第二篇高污，高污，高污，可能会让人感到不适，请谨慎阅读！

 

 

Anonymous 1O/17/07(Wed) 12:46:22 No.43O72491

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

上周的一个晚上，我的女朋友和我准备上床睡觉。

 

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.

但是当我正要开始欲血沸腾的时候，她说道：“我不喜欢这样，我只想你抱抱我。”

 

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

我惊讶道：“哈？什么鬼？”

 

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

然后她就说了世界上每一个男朋友都害怕听到的话。

 

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

“你从来不在意我作为一个女人的精神需求是否足够，而只是用来满足你作为一个男人的生理欲望。”

 

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’

她对着一脸懵逼的喔说道：“你能否仅仅爱我这个人，而不是我能在卧室里给你做什么?”

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

这一夜什么都没发生，我只是睡觉。

 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tied on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Let’s get a pair for each outfit”

第二天，我决定请一天的假，并且陪她一天。 我们吃了一顿很不错的午餐，然后在一个非常大的商场里面购物。当她正在被几件非常贵的衣服吸引时，我走近了她。她难以从中选择一件，所以我告诉她，全买就好了。她想要新鞋子来配她的新衣服，所以我说:“咱们为每一件衣服都挑一双。”

 

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

我们去了珠宝店，她在那选了一对钻石耳环。说实话，她兴奋极了，她一定觉得今天真是疯狂。我开始觉得她是在试探我，因为她要我给她买一个网球手环，而她却根本不会打网球。

 

Anonymous 1O/17/07(Wed) 12:46:39 No.43O72517

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “that’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

我想当我对她说，“亲爱的，这都不是事儿”的时候她一定非常惊讶。她实在太过激动，都快高潮似的。她的笑容饱含兴奋的期许而她最终对我说:“这就是全部了，亲爱的，去结账吧。”

 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

当我说到：“不，亲爱的，我不想这样的时候，我简直绷不住了。”

 

 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”

她面色惨白，目瞪口呆地说“啥？”

 

I then said. “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financia1 needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

我接着说道：“亲爱的，我就是想你把这些东西拿一会。你对我作为一个男人的经济需求毫不在意，只是满足你作为女人的购物欲望。”

 

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

我在她露出想要将我干掉的凶相的时候，我又补充道：“你为啥不能爱我这个人，而不是爱我为你买的东西呢？”

 

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either… but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.

非常明显，我今晚又没得high，但是至少这个贱人明白，老子比她聪明得多。

 

 

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Fart

放屁记

 

Anonymous 09/1 7/1 2(Mon) 15:12:42 No.3798017 Replies: >>3798046

 

>have to sleep at parents’ house

睡在父母家。

 

>have bedroom right next to parents’ bedroom

卧室和父母的卧室相邻

 

>only separated by a thin, wooden wall

只隔着一道薄薄的木头墙

 

>midnight

午夜

 

>can’t sleep

睡不着

 

>stand up and go to the wall between our bedrooms

起身走向那道隔着两个卧室的墙

 

>press asscheeks against the wall

将屁股压在墙上

 

>the fart begins as a low murmur

开始放得屁好像轻声呢喃

 

>kicks into overdrive and blasts my entire ass-crescendo all over the wall and into the other room

逐渐加速并将我的屁整个穿过墙，轰入另外一间卧室

 

>swiftly leap into bed just as dad opens my door and peeks in

在我爸开门向里张望的瞬间快速跳入被子中

 

>thinks I’m still asleep

认为我仍然睡着了

 

>leaves

(父亲)离开

 

>jump up and violate the wall again

跳起并继续向墙施暴。

 

>the ass-blast is so powerful, the ring of my asshole practically drums against the wall

我的屁事如此的强劲，以至于我的菊花几乎都在直接敲打着墙壁。(我去，哥们你是把你的屁股完全扒开了吗？)

 

>hear dad come and pretend to be asleep again

听见我爸过来，再次装睡。

 

>run up to the wall when he’s gone

在他离开后继续向墙快速移动。

 

>asscheeks spread all over the damp spot on the wall and preparing to unleash another nuclear holocaust

屁股对着墙上的湿斑分开，并且准备释放另外一个原子弹。

 

>JC IT’S ABOMB

这是个炸弹！！！！

 

>suddenly, see dad leap into my room right in the middle of my brain-shattering assplosion

突然，看见我爸跳入房间，正好在我脑补爆炸的时候。

 

>his face when

我爸的脸…… (就是上图中和善的微笑了。)

 

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哪里都有绅(bian)士(tai)啊，话说哥们你真的没被你爸打死吗？

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