4chan:4chan趣事两则
引用元:http://imgur.com/gallery/UavZt
4chan上的有趣故事
你们要的4chan,本篇包含两个小故事。 警告,第二篇高污,高污,高污,可能会让人感到不适,请谨慎阅读!
Anonymous 1O/17/07(Wed) 12:46:22 No.43O72491
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
上周的一个晚上,我的女朋友和我准备上床睡觉。
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.
但是当我正要开始欲血沸腾的时候,她说道:“我不喜欢这样,我只想你抱抱我。”
I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
我惊讶道:“哈?什么鬼?”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
然后她就说了世界上每一个男朋友都害怕听到的话。
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
“你从来不在意我作为一个女人的精神需求是否足够,而只是用来满足你作为一个男人的生理欲望。”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’
她对着一脸懵逼的喔说道:“你能否仅仅爱我这个人,而不是我能在卧室里给你做什么?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
这一夜什么都没发生,我只是睡觉。
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tied on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Let’s get a pair for each outfit”
第二天,我决定请一天的假,并且陪她一天。 我们吃了一顿很不错的午餐,然后在一个非常大的商场里面购物。当她正在被几件非常贵的衣服吸引时,我走近了她。她难以从中选择一件,所以我告诉她,全买就好了。她想要新鞋子来配她的新衣服,所以我说:“咱们为每一件衣服都挑一双。”
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
我们去了珠宝店,她在那选了一对钻石耳环。说实话,她兴奋极了,她一定觉得今天真是疯狂。我开始觉得她是在试探我,因为她要我给她买一个网球手环,而她却根本不会打网球。
Anonymous 1O/17/07(Wed) 12:46:39 No.43O72517
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “that’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
我想当我对她说,“亲爱的,这都不是事儿”的时候她一定非常惊讶。她实在太过激动,都快高潮似的。她的笑容饱含兴奋的期许而她最终对我说:“这就是全部了,亲爱的,去结账吧。”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
当我说到:“不,亲爱的,我不想这样的时候,我简直绷不住了。”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
她面色惨白,目瞪口呆地说“啥?”
I then said. “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financia1 needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
我接着说道:“亲爱的,我就是想你把这些东西拿一会。你对我作为一个男人的经济需求毫不在意,只是满足你作为女人的购物欲望。”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
我在她露出想要将我干掉的凶相的时候,我又补充道:“你为啥不能爱我这个人,而不是爱我为你买的东西呢?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either… but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.
非常明显,我今晚又没得high,但是至少这个贱人明白,老子比她聪明得多。
Fart
放屁记
Anonymous 09/1 7/1 2(Mon) 15:12:42 No.3798017 Replies: >>3798046
>have to sleep at parents’ house
睡在父母家。
>have bedroom right next to parents’ bedroom
卧室和父母的卧室相邻
>only separated by a thin, wooden wall
只隔着一道薄薄的木头墙
>midnight
午夜
>can’t sleep
睡不着
>stand up and go to the wall between our bedrooms
起身走向那道隔着两个卧室的墙
>press asscheeks against the wall
将屁股压在墙上
>the fart begins as a low murmur
开始放得屁好像轻声呢喃
>kicks into overdrive and blasts my entire ass-crescendo all over the wall and into the other room
逐渐加速并将我的屁整个穿过墙,轰入另外一间卧室
>swiftly leap into bed just as dad opens my door and peeks in
在我爸开门向里张望的瞬间快速跳入被子中
>thinks I’m still asleep
认为我仍然睡着了
>leaves
(父亲)离开
>jump up and violate the wall again
跳起并继续向墙施暴。
>the ass-blast is so powerful, the ring of my asshole practically drums against the wall
我的屁事如此的强劲,以至于我的菊花几乎都在直接敲打着墙壁。(我去,哥们你是把你的屁股完全扒开了吗?)
>hear dad come and pretend to be asleep again
听见我爸过来,再次装睡。
>run up to the wall when he’s gone
在他离开后继续向墙快速移动。
>asscheeks spread all over the damp spot on the wall and preparing to unleash another nuclear holocaust
屁股对着墙上的湿斑分开,并且准备释放另外一个原子弹。
>JC IT’S ABOMB
这是个炸弹!!!!
>suddenly, see dad leap into my room right in the middle of my brain-shattering assplosion
突然,看见我爸跳入房间,正好在我脑补爆炸的时候。
>his face when
我爸的脸…… (就是上图中和善的微笑了。)
哪里都有绅(bian)士(tai)啊,话说哥们你真的没被你爸打死吗?
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[t怒]第一篇这个男主,简直太聪明啦!
我去,真是太精彩的两篇故事了!
不行了第二篇wwwww
hhhhhhhhhh第2篇是什么神经病啦
[笑cry]
第一篇表示厲害,花了一整天來婊女友啊這是
第一篇GJ
第二篇是什么鬼
我服第一篇
Abomb也有atomic bomb的意思,也就是说那个屁是原子弹级别的
第一篇2333
這也太蠢XD
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
当我说到:“不,亲爱的,我不想这样的时候,我简直绷不住了。”
后引号的位置错了(也因此逗号用错了)
笑了!