6May

『中篇故事・4chan』我为艾拉唱首歌(二)

时间: 2016-5-6 分类: 我为艾拉唱首歌 作者: Skylark

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语言:   大陆 港澳 台湾

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Anonymous 01/30/15(Fri)22:20:45 No. 595592636 Replies: >>595626016

>and i thought he had found “her”

我以为他找到的是“她”

>but when i saw what he found, which was this i dunno what brand skirt on amazon

但是当我去看他找到了什么,那是一条在亚马逊上出售的我不知道牌子的短裙

>i was far from being disappointed

然是我并没有失望。

>i was feeling the same way

我和皮特的感觉一样

>we didnt know her name, but fuck if we didnt know what skirt she was wearing

我们不知道她的名字,但是,

>pete kept going with the search and i helped him

皮特继续搜索,我从旁协助

>at the end of the night, we knew what flats she was wearing. what shirt

那个晚上我们最后知道了她穿的是什么鞋子,什么衬衫

>we even knew what brand her red, bow shaped hairclip was

我们甚至知道了她的红色弓形发卡的牌子

>i mean… look, we are straight guys

我是说……嘿,我们是直男

>i figure im a 7/10 maybe 8, pete is an easy 8/10, pushing 9

我觉得我是7分或者8分,皮特保8追9

>we are both fit. we dont have ugly pimples on our faces or anything, we are both very decent

我们身材都很好,我们的脸上没有丑陋的粉刺或者其他什么,我们看起来都十分得体

>we are not short or chubby

我们既不矮也不胖

>and altho we were not the most popular kids in highschool, we are definitely not social castouts either

尽管我们不是在高中最受欢迎的男神,但是我们也绝非是那种不合群的人

>but that night

但是在那个晚上

>we were more gay than a male fashion design student wearing pink dungarees and coming out of the closet singing YMCA

我们比一个学时尚设计,穿着粉色工装服宣布出柜并且唱着同志之歌的男人更基

>and we knew what skirt she was wearing… so yeah…

而且我们知道了她穿的是什么裙子,所以……

>and before we went to sleep

而在我们睡觉之前

>pete had an idea

皮特有了一个主意

>that motherfucker had the most excellent idea

那个混蛋有一个天才般的想法

>he knew he needed an extra something if he was ever gonna talk to her

他知道如果他想同她说话的话,他需要一些额外的东西

>let alone date her

同她约会

>so he decided he should start learning about fashion

所以他决定快开始学习时尚

>and use his knowledge as a conversation starter

并且以他的知识开启交流

>meanwhile, i was feeling like i could go to mars with a new apollo mission

同时我觉得我应该肩负着一个新的阿波罗计划前往火星

>or save the world from a new nazi regime all by myself

或者由我一个人将世界从一个新的纳粹政权拯救出来

>and still wouldnt be able to impress her

并且仍然不能够给她留下印象

>i was a hopeless faggot

我就是一个无望的基佬

 

Anonymous 01/30/15(Fri)22:21:58 No. 595592833

>next morning, the first thing pete did was to enroll in a class on fashion design

第二天早上皮特干得第一件事就是注册了一门一门时尚设计的课

>pete didnt know if his tactics were gonna work

皮特不知道他的策略是否会奏效

>pete didnt know if this magnificent creature would speak fashion with him

皮特不知道这个高贵华丽的女人是否会同他谈论时尚

>but he had hopes

但是他抱有希望

>meanwhile. we were both unable to speak to her

同时,我们都不能够同她说话

>we were a bunch of beta fags, scared out of our minds

我们就是一群预备基佬,心中十分恐惧

>but we learned her name from a fnend

但是我们从一个朋友口中得知了她的名字

>ella

艾拉

>ella was her name…

她叫艾拉

>pete didnt want to waste his chances in leaving a perfect first impression with ella

皮特不想浪费给艾拉留下完美的第一印象的机会

>well. the first impression both of us have left was us standing in the middle of the hallway

但是我们留给艾拉的第一印象都是傻站在过道的中间

>staring at her like we were retarded perverts

盯着他看的两个智障变态

>but speaking to her was a different matter altogether

但是同她说话又是另外一件事情

>i figured, if pete had no chance of talking to her now

我推测,如果皮特现在都没有机会同她说话

>how could i?

我自己又是何德何能

>besides. pete was so in da zone, i didnt want to compete

况且现在皮特又是, 我不想同他争

>not that i could, or so i believed…

我是不能那样做,或者我就是这样想的

>fast forward a couple of weeks

几周之后

>pete as a freshman knew more about fashion than seniors knew about economy in our department

在我们公寓里,皮特作为一个新人所了解的时尚,已经其他毕业班学生所懂的经济还要多了。

>he was spending his nights browsing fashion blogs

他整晚都在时尚博客上泡着

>every night, he would come to our room, with a list of items she was wearing that day

每天晚上,他都会带着一张今天艾拉穿了什么的表来到我们房间

>studying her taste in fashion

学习他对于时尚的品味

>pete told me that this could actually work

皮特告诉我,这些真的会奏效

>since while a lot of the girls on campus dressed like trailer trashes

因为那时候很多在校女生穿得都像

>ella was always amazing in her choice of clothes

艾拉选择的服饰总是让人觉得惊艳

>our room was filled with editions of vogue and GQ and shit

我们的房间充满了各种各样的时尚杂志

>couple of friends have seen our stash of fashion magazines

有些朋友已经见过我们收藏品

>and joked about it

并且以此开玩笑

>so we made a lousy explanation of how they were “quality tapping material”

所以我们下流地解释说,这些都是“用来撸的好材料”

>and got away with it

并且以此脱身

>one day, pete woke up and turned to me

有一天,皮特醒来并且转向我

>I’m ready” – he said

我准备好了,他说

>like neo saying “i know kung-fu”

就像黑客帝国里面的尼奥说,我会功夫一样

>i said “show her”

我说,给她看看吧(这里也是黑客帝国的neta

>anyways

不管怎样

>pete decided that whatever she’s wearing that day

皮特觉得,无论她今天穿的是什么

>he felt like he could intelligently talk to her about her clothes

他觉得他可以睿智地同她谈论她的衣服

 

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Skylark

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Comments

目前有 7 条精彩评论

  1. CyclizePei
    CyclizePei 发表于: 2016年5月6日 20:26:53

    目测要跪

  2. CupcakeWOW
    CupcakeWOW 发表于: 2016年5月6日 22:47:53

    失敗預感

  3. cell
    cell 发表于: 2016年5月7日 00:32:16

    flag高高挂,faggot不可避

  4. 。
    发表于: 2016年5月7日 01:13:53

    突出一个谐得不行。。。

  5. ringo
    ringo 发表于: 2016年5月8日 00:12:12

    2333333

  6. shenglue
    shenglue 发表于: 2016年5月8日 10:07:01

    ……感觉结局要喜闻乐见了!

  7. ♿
    发表于: 2016年5月15日 13:55:55

    看趣聞英文組還活著……嗎?

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