BlondeA Blond walks into a gas station
submitted 10 hours ago by drollia
A Blond walks into a gas station and asks the employee: “I locked my keys in the car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?” Ten minutes later a trucker comes in and can’t stop laughing. So the employee asks him why he is laughing. The trucker says: “There is a Blond who tries to open her car with a coat hanger!” The employee: “So what? This could happen to anyone.” Trucker: “Sure, but usually there isn’t another Blond in the car who yells: a little more right / a little more left! “
Happy Friday – Blonde Joke 🙂
submitted 1 year ago by jaychok
A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
BlondeSmart blonde joke
submitted 3 months ago by LuffyTheAstronaut
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”
One of my favorite blonde jokes
submitted 2 years ago by Stealthy4u
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”
A blonde joke my sub told us.
submitted 3 years ago by josethdestroyer
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.
They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, ‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, ‘It’s just 99 cents a word.’ Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, ‘I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable.’
The operator shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable?’
The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it very slowly … com-for-da-bull.’
棕发女郎解释说：“我姐姐是金发女郎，这个词太长了，她念不下来，她会读成“来拉牛”（come for the bull）”
LongA ventriloquist does a show
submitted 3 months ago by _Boba_Fett
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!” The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little shit on your knee.”
The Blonde who is sick and tired of blonde jokes!
submitted 2 years ago by itstimey
A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, “For best results, put on two coats.”
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest?
submitted 11 months ago by ProVipr
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
BlondeA blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..
submitted 4 months ago * by PleaseTrade
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.
Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.
The cops are quick though, and are just about to reach the entrance. There are three empty potato sacks lying against the wall.
“Quick! Hide!” The brunette says, and the three women each crawl into a bag.
A police man comes down the alleyway, looking around for any signs of the women. The potato sacks stick out to him-so he gives the one with the redhead a kick.
“Meow!” goes the redhead, doing her best imitation of a cat.
“Just an alley cat…” The police officer mumbles, moving onto the next bag and delivering a quick nudge with his foot.
“Woof!” Goes the brunette, imitating a dog.
“Just a stray…” The officer mumbles again, heading to the last bag, and giving it a light kick.
“POOOOE-TAYYY-TOOOEE” grunts the blonde.
Blonde is pulled over by a blonde cop..
submitted 1 year ago * by smashley951
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. ‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has your picture on it.’
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
‘Here it is,’ she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ‘Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop too.’
See, the blonde, whose name is Jennifer, had gone through training with her blonde friends, Anniston and Blythe. Part of their test at the end was suspect identification. So an officer flashed them a picture of a suspect’s profile, a picture of the captain he had taken earlier that day, then asked them how they would easily identify the captain later if their only information was the picture.
Anniston went first, and she laughed when he did. “Oh, that’s easy!” she said. “It would be easy to identify the captain, because he only has one eye!”
The officer was confused at this for a moment before he realized what she was thinking, then he had to laugh. “Silly girl, this is the captain’s profile. You’ll never be a cop!”
Blythe went next, and once again the officer showed her the captain’s profile. She took a moment to think, then laughed. “Hah, easy!” she said. “The captain only has one ear!”
The officer isn’t amused at all this time. “Silly girl, this is a profile! Do you even know what that means! Get out, you’ll never be a cop!”
Then it was Jennifer’s turn, and once more the officer flashes the captain’s picture. She examines it closely, then smiles and tells the officer “the captain wears contact lenses.”
Now, that’s not something the officer knows off the top of his head, and it’s not too useful for identifying suspects at a distance, either. But it was pretty impressive, as when he went and asked the captain it turned out that yes, he did! The officer asked Jennifer how she knew that he wore contacts, and she explained,
“Well, before I decided I wanted to be a police officer, I was going to be an optometrist, so I know a bunch of stuff about eyes and glasses still. I could see a groove on the captain’s nose from where he used to wear glasses. However, even though he needs visual correction, he can’t wear normal glasses because he’s obviously been in some sort of horrible accident that’s left him with only one ear and one eye.”
BlondeTired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.
submitted 28 days ago by LordsandLadies48
She goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
“Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?” she asks.
The shepherd agrees. She blurts out, “352!”
The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
“I’ll take this one,” she says proudly. “It’s the cutest!”
“Hey lady,” says the shepherd. “If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”
BlondeA blonde goes to work in tears.
submitted 18 days ago by drollia
A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, “What’s wrong?” She says, “My mom died.” He told her to go home, but she said, “No, I’ll be fine.” Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, “What’s wrong?” She replies, “I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!”
BlondeA Blonde was down on her luck…
submitted 3 months ago by RahulKamath
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde.” The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” Convention.
submitted 4 months ago by RubenTheDuck
The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?”
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “Eighteen!”
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”
So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?”
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh — everyone is disheartened – the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance — What is 2 plus 2?”
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream… “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
submitted 3 years ago by yarblls
Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”
“Very good,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde?” Jenny asked.
“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!”
“Very good, Jenny,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.”
The next day Jenny came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!”
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs
“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”
“No Honey, it’s because you’re 24
BlondeA blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes…
submitted 5 months ago by _-reddit-
…and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, “I’m hanging myself because I’m tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!”
Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, “I thought you were hanging yourself.”
She said, “Yes, I am!” The husband replied, “Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?”
She said, “I tried that, but I couldn’t breathe.”
Blondes At The Bus Stop.
submitted 3 years ago by Snowwwwy
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver – “will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”
The bus driver shakes his head, “no, I’m sorry, it won’t” he says.
The other blonde leans inside and asks, “how about me?”
BlondeA blonde, a brunette, and a redhead
submitted 5 months ago by DaftScholar
all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
“Hey, girls,” says the brunette, “let’s go home early tomorrow. She’ll never know.”
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
“That was fun,” says the brunette. “We should do it again sometime.”
“No way,” says the blonde. “I almost got caught.”
A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop.
submitted 2 years ago by Pickletitties
A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop. “Just great,” the brunette complained to the blonde, “my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers.” The blonde responds, “Why is that a problem?” The brunette replies, “Because now he’ll expect me to spend all weekend with my legs spread and my feet up in the air.” “Why?” asked the blonde, “Don’t you have a vase?”
BlondeA man sees a blonde across the river.
submitted 9 months ago by guitarded62
Man: How do I get to the other side?
Blonde: You are on the other side.
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”
The blonde opened his lunch and said, “Polony again! If I get a polony sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burritos, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the polony and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping.She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated Burritos so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said,
“Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch”
submitted 2 years ago by JoWoodsParrot
Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?
Because blonde guys aren’t smart either
Mod Announcement: Due to complaints from our fair-haired readers, blonde jokes are no longer allowed…
submitted 2 years ago by I_fail_at_memes
…because they couldn’t read them.