reddit：你經歷過最有趣的真人真事是什麼?

引用元：https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1lnc98/what_is_the_funniest_reallife_story_you_can_tell/

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What is the funniest, real-life story you can tell?

你經歷過最有趣的真人真事是什麼?

 

這是一篇在Reddit貼文中的一則回應，貼文的標題是”What is the funniest, real-life story you can tell?＂

你經歷過最有趣的真人真事是什麼?

 

GoodLookinGuy：

I don’t want to tell this story, because it’s so specific that it might give away who I am if any of my friends use Reddit. But, here goes anyways. I hope this doesn’t blow up or I will probably have to delete this comment:

我不太想講這個故事，因為這篇故事實在太過詳細，假如我的朋友有用Reddit，可能會被他們認出來。不過，隨便啦。我希望這篇文不會火起來，不然我應該會刪掉這則留言：

 

We all went out to the typical college bars[1] one night and got trashed. “We” being roommates and some friends of ours. There were some people from out of town staying over at our place too that night. So after we all drank, everyone was drunk and fell asleep in their respective areas. Roommates in their rooms, and the guests on the couches and floors.

一天晚上，我們所有人在宿舍開酒吧[1]狂歡。「我們」是指我的室友和我們的朋友。那天晚上還有一些從別的小鎮來的人在我們的地方過夜，所以當我們喝了很多酒之後，所有人都醉了然後睡在各自佔領的位置。我的室友睡在他們的房間，客人就睡在沙發和地板上。

1.typical college bars 直譯是典型的大學酒吧，意譯是指在某人的家裡或者宿舍一堆人聚在一起喝酒。這篇文應該是指美國大學生們一起合租的獨立屋或者宿舍。(我有時候也會參加這種聚會)

 

The next morning, everybody is just up playing video games and chatting. One of the guys visiting from out of town, we’ll call him Leroy, walks into the room and interrupts everybody, but very quietly. Let me preface this by saying that Leroy is a very tall guy. He’s one of those guys who everyone knows as very friendly. Kind of a “big friendly giant” most might say. Back to the story, he walks in and says very nonchalantly: “Uh guys.. I think someone pooed in the shower.”

在早上的時候，所有人都醒了在打遊戲或者在聊天。一個從別的小鎮來訪的人，我們都叫他樂華，走進房間默默地打斷我們。讓我講一些前言，樂華是一個很高的男生，所有人都覺得他很好相處，很多人應該會形容他是一個「友善的巨人」。回到正題，他走進來，然後滿不在乎地講：「呃……我想，有人在淋浴間裡大便。」

 

And this is when I stop my Counter-Strike game with my roommate and I confusedly walk towards the restroom. I look down into the shower, and lo and behold[2], there is a stinking pile of shit there. When I say pile of shit. I mean PILE of shit. It’s not like there’s a few pieces of shit like when you see a dog shit in the park. I’m talking a pile of shit as if someone slowly diahrread[3] (is that how you spell it? oh well) into the shower.

這一刻，我和我的室友都暫停了反恐精英，然後我困惑地走向浴室。我看著淋浴間的地板，瞧了一下[2]，那裡有一堆發出惡臭的屎。當我講「一堆」屎，我是指「一堆」屎。這不是像你在公園裡看到幾塊，或者一佗的狗屎。我是在講在淋浴間裡有一堆像有人月复氵寫[3]慢慢地拉的屎。

2.lo and behold 戲謔語，意思是「你瞧」。

3.diahrread 正確拼法是diarrhoea，意思是腹瀉，作者拼錯了。

 

Now, the first thing that logically crossed my mind was, “Check what’s wrong with the toilet.” I check the toilet, flush it, and it all seems fine. Why would someone shit into the toilet? How drunk must he/she have been? These were my thoughts.

現在，第一個在我腦中閃現最合乎邏輯的想法是「檢查馬桶有沒有問題」。我檢查了馬桶，沖了一下水，看起來沒有問題。為什麼他不在馬桶大便？他是有多醉啊？這是我當時的想法。

“Why would someone shit into the toilet?” 在美國toilet是單純指馬桶，restroom/bathroom才是指洗手間。這句作者應該太激動，忘了在would後面加上n’t，或者把shower(淋浴間)寫成toilet(馬桶)。

 

So I scream running out of the bathroom, because the smell was really hitting my brain. That shit was dank. I run out everyone, one-by-one, goes into take a look at the shower-shitstravaganza[4]. Everyone comes out either laughing or gagging. Lots of “Oh my god”s and “Holy shit”s.

我一邊尖叫一邊跑出洗手間，因為那個惡臭正在衝擊我的大腦。那堆屎是潮濕透水的。我跑向每個人，一個接一個，去看一下那個淋浴間－屎怪癖[4]。所有人不是笑就是作嘔，很多人都在叫「我的天」和「他媽的」(神聖的屎doge)。

4.shower-shitstravaganza shower是淋浴間，shitstravaganza是shit(屎)和stravaganza的合體字。stravaganza是意大利文，解作怪癖。

Holy shit 直譯的確是神聖的屎(doge)

 

This is when we all go detective on this shituation[5]. We start deciphering who could’ve done this, considering nobody would admit to the crime. I take the role of lead detective and throw out some conjectures:

這時，在這個屎情況[5]，我們都化身為偵探。考慮到沒有人會承認這宗罪案，我們開始推理誰會做出這件事。我當起了偵探長，然後說出幾個推測：

5.’shit’uation 是雙關字。正確拼法是situation，解作情況。Shituation為了意釋我翻成了屎情況(直譯好像也對)。

 

firstly, there are two bathrooms and three roommates who live there. Two people share the shower-shit bathroom, and one person has his own. I come to the conclusion that it’s most likely not the person who lives in his own room, considering he has his own bathroom, why would he shit like that in someone else’s?

首先，這裡有兩個廁所和三個室友住在這裡。兩個人分享那間屎淋浴間廁所，然後一個人擁有他自己的廁所。考慮到他有自己的廁所，他怎會在別人的廁所大便？

 

Secondly, I live in one of the rooms, and I know I didn’t do it. Thirdly, why would one of the guests shit in the shower? That’s just plain impolite. So, we narrowed it down to the last piece of shit[6] (pun[7] intended) roommate. We’ll call him John. John keeps denying it. We all accuse him and start laughing too. It basically turned into a witch hunt where we all accused and he continued to fend it off.

第二，我是其中一個住在房間裡的人，我知道這件事不是我做的。第三，怎會有客人在淋浴間大便？這是直截了當的不尊重。所以，我們的推理縮窄到了最後一塊屎[6](明顯的雙關語[7])室友。我們所有人都叫他約翰。約翰一直否認，說不是他做的。我們所有人都指控他，而且開始大笑。從根本來說，當他一直否認，而我們所有人都認定他是犯案的人，這個已經變成了巫女狩獵。

6.last piece of shit 解作最後一個部份，作者用shit來雙關。(屎和拼圖)

7.pun解作雙關語

 

But, John couldn’t keep it up any longer. He doesn’t admit it, but he might as well have. He says: “Fine. I’ll clean it up. I didn’t do it, but I will.” This is when I yell out: “BULLSHIT! Why would you clean it up if you didn’t do it?” Everyone’s bursting out laughing. Taking pictures of the shit before it gets cleaned.

不過約翰沒有堅持一段長時間。他沒有承認，但也可能有。他說：「算了，我會去清潔的。我沒有做（拉屎），不過我會（清潔）。」這刻，我大叫：「胡說八道！如果你沒有做，你怎會願意去清理？」所有人都在爆笑，然後都在清理之前拍一張屎照。

 

This one would go down in shitstory. Oops: *history.

I realize he was probably kind of embarrassed, and I was probably being a bit of a douche about it. But, still. That’s what you get for shitting into a shower when the toilet’s right next to you.

這件事會進入歷屎。哎呀：*歷史

我認識到他當時可能很尷尬，而我也好像有點混蛋，可是，這就是馬桶就在你旁邊但你仍然在淋浴間大便的報應。

 

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這篇是我第一篇長文翻譯，意外地很多用詞加了註解。在讀這篇文章的時候真的笑了很久，可能因為我正在美國讀大學，所以很多地方都有某種共嗚感；然而翻譯的時候，翻著翻著，怎覺得變得不好笑了！這難道是傳說中的自己翻譯的工口不能自給自足嗎！（好像哪裡不對）

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